Welcome back to my blog 🙂 If you missed my last post, feel free to check it out here!
So, the school year is in full swing! I am a senior this year (wow), and senior year is treating me pretty well. I have two theatre classes this year, I have lots of classes with my friends, and only one AP class this year. Score!
I wish that I could say that since my course load is so light this year that I’ve felt better, but I’ve been absent about 5 times already and we’re not even through the first quarter. I’ve been extremely tired, more so than usual, and have been sleeping less and less. My pain levels have been pretty manageable until these past couples weeks, and headaches and I are still buddies, unfortunately. As far as doctor appointments go, I’m going to be checking in with my cardiologist soon, and am going to start physical therapy for my knees and back to hopefully condition them back to where they should be. I’m very hopeful for those things and am hoping for relief soon!
There’s a very brief general update about my life/health! The real reason why I’m writing this post was to share something I’d written. In my English class (the one AP class I’m taking), we had a poetry assignment to imitate the style of a poem. We had three to choose from, and the one I chose to imitate was “This is a Letter” by Rebecca Dunham (please see her poem here!). The point of the assignment was to get us to write about a topic we connected with, and to see what we would come up with. I wrote about my health and my experience as someone with invisible illnesses. This poem is not very happy, but it is very real and I was very transparent about my experience while writing it. I am no poet, and the style of this poem is taken straight from Dunham’s work, but I was proud of what I had written for this assignment, and I wanted to share it with you all!
This is a letter to health
This is a letter to those living each day without their health on their mind.
This is a letter to those not planning their lives around doctor appointments,
On when they have to take their next medicine,
On how they will be able to find accommodations when they’re out with their friends.
This is a letter to the microaggressions.
A letter to the “You’re so lucky you get to get out of this” comments
A letter to the casual invalidation
A letter to the small but hurtful words I hear from
This is a letter to a system that is set up for me to fail.
A letter to the people who don’t consider me when they make decisions about education.
A letter to the rules that punish me when I try to take care of myself by resting.
To the days spent in bed stressing about assignments I can’t complete,
To the tears shed when I watch my grades slip for reasons beyond my control,
To the system that makes me equate my self worth with my grades and productivity,
To the numbers that are seen as my identity by the people who determine my future.
This is a letter to my feelings
To my anger towards the unfair situation
To my resentment towards healthy people, who are not at fault
To the disappointment I feel towards myself when I can’t reach goals I used to
But this is also
A letter to the pride I feel for myself when I succeed, knowing I pushed harder than most
A letter to the empathy I am able to feel because of my adversities
A letter to the pure joy I feel on pain free days
A letter to the people who have supported me and believed me from the beginning
To the new connection I have with myself and with my body
To the new perspective I’ve found
To the messy things
The pretty things.
That’s all I’ve got for today! I appreciate each and every person who has kept up with these sporadic little blog posts of mine. Thank you thank you thank you!